Off Campus

01 February 2005

February Mail

Dear Off Campus,
Do you think the “Great Space Coaster” was really that great?
– Louise, Merrimack


When looking back with adult eyes on things we enjoyed in childhood, we are often disappointed to find that they really bite the big bongo. The relative impossibility of seeing any episodes of “The Great Space Coaster” has, for many of our generation, caused the show’s legacy to grow in our hearts and minds. The theme song has been covered by such diverse artists as Herb Alpert and Outkast. Gary Gnu and that blond fuzzy-haired dude and the guy with the little hand-held TV .?.?. . to call them icons would be an understatement. They are legend. The producers of the series, knowing full well that for our generation to actually view the original episodes again would be to put the series’ reputation in jeopardy, have already set about putting the master tapes on a rocket and firing it into the sun. So, to accurately gauge the “greatness” of “The Great Space Coaster,” in mathematical terms, is difficult to say the least. Let’s all agree that the memory of this landmark series is indeed “great.” Let’s continue to buy the tribute albums, see the live Kennedy Center stage re-enactments, attend the conventions and keep the memory alive. We must never forget.

Good Gnus To You,

Dear Off Campus,
What are your feelings on keeping my goldfish and my car keys in the same
Mike in Manchester

Dear Mike

I think that you are putting yourself at great risk - the risk of losing your car, AND your pet. Your goldfish is looking for liberty, and you aregiving him just that. As soon as you go to bed, he's in the car and driving straight into the river. It's bye-bye fish, and bye-bye car. You'll lose on the insurance too. No court will rule that the car was "stolen". Of course your safe if you're still driving your grandmothers station wagon or some other less than manly car. Safe in all its definitions - no speeding tickets, or sex (unsafe or otherwise) in the back either.


Dear Off Campus,
Can you recommend a good personal trainer?
Ralph in Somerville

Ralphie, I have a great personal trainer. My nephew Mikey. He’s 5. His parents dump him off here three afternoons a week, and I chase him around for three hours, trying to keep him from setting the cat, carpet and apartment on fire. So far I’ve burned off my “freshman 15.” In fact, my nerves are so shot I’m down to a 31” waist. I’ll pay you to watch him. Please?