November Mail

Dear Off Campus
My vet REFUSES to see both my Chia pet and my Pet Rock. What should I do?
D.S.V. Tyngsboro.

Seaquest,

Apparently your vet is a faddist...one who harbors an unreasonable distaste and prejudice against briefly-popular knick-knacks. Our advice would be to consult the Fad-Friendly Veterinary Association (www.ffva.bs) directory to assist you in locating someone who can accurately diagnose Chia and Rock afflictions, free from the burden of scorn and malpractice.

OC

Dear OC,
How did anyone ever figure out what a square-root was before calculators?
PF, Nashua

Piff,

In the days before calculators, finding the square root of a number was very similar to a barn raising. You needed eleven strong men, nine brave women, a sundial, and a concrete abacus...and even then it was mostly guesswork.

OC

OC,
Say you were born and raised in the Phoenix household, with River, Joaquin, etc..., what name would you have chosen for yourself?
Sammie H.

Samala,

In keeping with the family's naming theme, I would choose either Sleet or Maelstrom. All kidding aside, Sleet Phoenix sounds kinda cool, doesn't it? If I were an Extreme Sports Dude, I think Sleet Phoenix would get me more action than Boomer McWordsworth, fer shur.

OC

Dear Off Campus
Is it wiser to invest a portion of my weekly earning in stocks, cds, or keep it in the mattress?
P. D., Nashua

Petey,

Investing wisely can be difficult. Stocks generally go up over the very long term, but can be risky and who has that kind of time. You're supposed to replace your mattress every so many years, and in the event of a fire, you're broke. We recommend sticking your money in an off-site, secure location. Send your cash or checks to "Invest Off Campus" C/O 168 Magazine, PO Box 1008, Nashua, NH 03061. As with any investment, even your local bank, some risk is involved.

Thanks in advance,
OC