PLACEBO*
Rumpatatious Micklesulfate tablets
J.P. Skruujob, Inc. (a subsidiary of the Towelfruit Corporation) is proud to annouce the introduction of PLACEBO*, the wonder drug that contains absolutely no preservatives.
Tested on a tightly-controlled group of hypochondriac circus performers, initial results were inconclusive enough to warrant a rush-release to an eager, if indifferent public.
BRIEF SUMMARY - Please see package insert for full prescribing information (printed in invisible ink for you convenience and
amusement).
TESTIMONIALS:
Dr. T. Joe Allen of the Carl's Veterinary Clinic and Auto Body Shop in Almince, ND: "Our patients love PLACEBO*. We haven't heard one discernable word in complaint from any of them."
Susan McFong of Reed, WI: "I had a terrible ringing in my ears until I took PLACEBO*. Now the ringing is completely gone, replaced by a sense of self-worth and an itch that I'm seeing a doctor about."
Geoff Carney of Islip, CO: "I was experience difficulty looking at photos of elk, so I gave PLACEBO* a try. Now I can look at pictures of elk AND antelope! Thank you PLACEBO*!
Carlene J. Middle, Hobosco, ND: "My sinuses were bothering me, and the store was out of tomatoes, so I tried PLACEBO. It tastes great in a Caesar salad!"
The list of satisfied and bemused customers is endless.
USEAGE: PLACEBO* has been rumored and/or insinuated to aid in the following ailments:
Sticky fingers, aches including {but not limited to) areas of the head/feet/arms/heart/finances, dandruff of the legs, the Yemeni Flu, St. Vitus' Stumble, prarie fatigue, floral fixation, overactive uterus, apple fancy, swelling of the bones, auld land syne, heart murmur, heart mumble, Heart featuring Ann and Nancy Wilson, irrational urge to floss, rational urge to avoid unnecessary medication, wanderlust, inflammation of the hair, hair of the dog, dog breath, canine dementia, feline pretentia, camel hump, sexual distraction, long attention span, cartoon envy, audible blinking, frequent liquidy visions and the inability to control them, loss of foot dexterity, poor judgement, excessive dental sensitivity to wind, hair growth in strange places, intermittent signal loss, intermittent Bavarian, inopportune polka tendencies, longitudinal weight gain, ocular misalignment, summer switch, tea shakes, aromatic eardrum, childhood jaywalking, tennis jaw, diver's trot, farmer's almanac, ballerina
back, visions of quail, and some forms of bingo bladder.
WARNINGS: PLACEBO* has been rumored and/or insinuated to cause the following ailments:
Sticky fingers, aches including {but not limited to) areas of the head/feet/arms/heart/finances, dandruff of the legs, the Yemeni Flu, St. Vitus' Stumble, prarie fatigue, floral fixation, overactive uterus, apple fancy, swelling of the bones, auld land syne, heart murmur, heart mumble, Heart featuring Ann and Nancy Wilson, irrational urge to floss, rational urge to avoid unnecessary medication, wanderlust, inflammation of the hair, hair of the dog, dog breath, canine dementia, feline pretentia, camel hump, sexual distraction, long attention span, cartoon envy, audible blinking, frequent liquidy visions and the inability to control them, loss of foot dexterity, poor judgement, excessive dental sensitivity to wind, hair growth in strange places, intermittent signal loss, intermittent Bavarian, inopportune polka tendencies, longitudinal weight gain, ocular misalignment, summer switch, tea shakes, aromatic eardrum, childhood jaywalking, tennis jaw, diver's trot, farmer's almanac, ballerina back, visions of quail, and some forms of bingo bladder.
So, if you've tried the best (and the rest), and Nothing But Nothing Will Make You Feel Better (tm), why not try PLACEBO*? It certainly couldn't hurt.
J.P. Skruujob, Inc. (a subsidiary of the Towelfruit Corporation) is proud to annouce the introduction of PLACEBO*, the wonder drug that contains absolutely no preservatives.
Tested on a tightly-controlled group of hypochondriac circus performers, initial results were inconclusive enough to warrant a rush-release to an eager, if indifferent public.
BRIEF SUMMARY - Please see package insert for full prescribing information (printed in invisible ink for you convenience and
amusement).
TESTIMONIALS:
Dr. T. Joe Allen of the Carl's Veterinary Clinic and Auto Body Shop in Almince, ND: "Our patients love PLACEBO*. We haven't heard one discernable word in complaint from any of them."
Susan McFong of Reed, WI: "I had a terrible ringing in my ears until I took PLACEBO*. Now the ringing is completely gone, replaced by a sense of self-worth and an itch that I'm seeing a doctor about."
Geoff Carney of Islip, CO: "I was experience difficulty looking at photos of elk, so I gave PLACEBO* a try. Now I can look at pictures of elk AND antelope! Thank you PLACEBO*!
Carlene J. Middle, Hobosco, ND: "My sinuses were bothering me, and the store was out of tomatoes, so I tried PLACEBO. It tastes great in a Caesar salad!"
The list of satisfied and bemused customers is endless.
USEAGE: PLACEBO* has been rumored and/or insinuated to aid in the following ailments:
Sticky fingers, aches including {but not limited to) areas of the head/feet/arms/heart/finances, dandruff of the legs, the Yemeni Flu, St. Vitus' Stumble, prarie fatigue, floral fixation, overactive uterus, apple fancy, swelling of the bones, auld land syne, heart murmur, heart mumble, Heart featuring Ann and Nancy Wilson, irrational urge to floss, rational urge to avoid unnecessary medication, wanderlust, inflammation of the hair, hair of the dog, dog breath, canine dementia, feline pretentia, camel hump, sexual distraction, long attention span, cartoon envy, audible blinking, frequent liquidy visions and the inability to control them, loss of foot dexterity, poor judgement, excessive dental sensitivity to wind, hair growth in strange places, intermittent signal loss, intermittent Bavarian, inopportune polka tendencies, longitudinal weight gain, ocular misalignment, summer switch, tea shakes, aromatic eardrum, childhood jaywalking, tennis jaw, diver's trot, farmer's almanac, ballerina
back, visions of quail, and some forms of bingo bladder.
WARNINGS: PLACEBO* has been rumored and/or insinuated to cause the following ailments:
Sticky fingers, aches including {but not limited to) areas of the head/feet/arms/heart/finances, dandruff of the legs, the Yemeni Flu, St. Vitus' Stumble, prarie fatigue, floral fixation, overactive uterus, apple fancy, swelling of the bones, auld land syne, heart murmur, heart mumble, Heart featuring Ann and Nancy Wilson, irrational urge to floss, rational urge to avoid unnecessary medication, wanderlust, inflammation of the hair, hair of the dog, dog breath, canine dementia, feline pretentia, camel hump, sexual distraction, long attention span, cartoon envy, audible blinking, frequent liquidy visions and the inability to control them, loss of foot dexterity, poor judgement, excessive dental sensitivity to wind, hair growth in strange places, intermittent signal loss, intermittent Bavarian, inopportune polka tendencies, longitudinal weight gain, ocular misalignment, summer switch, tea shakes, aromatic eardrum, childhood jaywalking, tennis jaw, diver's trot, farmer's almanac, ballerina back, visions of quail, and some forms of bingo bladder.
So, if you've tried the best (and the rest), and Nothing But Nothing Will Make You Feel Better (tm), why not try PLACEBO*? It certainly couldn't hurt.
