Off Campus

28 December 2004

The mandatory end of the year list

As another year draws to a close, a proliferation of year-end lists fills the media landscape, from FAMILY CIRCLE's "Top Ten Glazed Dioramas Depicting Quasi-Religious Scenarios" to Bravo's "All-Time Favorite TV Christmas Insinuations", everyone wants to break down life's lighter moments into a simple series of one-liners. Personally, we think this is lazy, unimaginitive, and pretty tired.

So here's ours!

The OFF CAMPUS Rear-End, Year-End Holiday Top Ten List

1) Rustoleum
2) Yellow
3) George Hamilton
4) Speed-Walking
5) Pez
6) Length-wise
7) "Hud"
8) Orange Circus Peanuts
9) Crayola
10) Prickly Heat

OFF CAMPUS's Top Ten Top Ten Lists:

1) Top Ten Southern Speedtraps
2) Top Ten Circus Phobias
3) Top Ten Bathroom Wallpapers
4) Top Ten Industrial Accidents
5) Top Ten Chinese Baby Names
6) Top Ten TV Maids
7) Top Ten Ceramic Monkey Operettas
8) Top Ten Cloud Formations
9) Top Ten Funniest Old Testament Limericks
10) Top Ten Fuzzy Hats

Top Five Ideas We Almost Did Before We Decided To Be Lazy And Do A List List:

1) Make up words that sound dirty, and innocently drop them into fake quotes from fake people.
2) Discuss the pros and cons of full-body lamination.
3) Analyze the long-term effects of prolonged juvenlile exposure to photos of Randy Travis.
4) Attempt to explain the enduring popularity of reality shows by insulting the intilligence of everyone who watches them.
5) Change the words to a Christmas song to make it dirty.