Off Campus

02 January 2006

Extra Strength Resolv-O with 50% more Placebo!

It's a new year and we're doing our part to help the environment by recycling. It makes the planet healthier, and in turn, we are all healthier. Without that troublesome trip to the gym, the $37.63 in gas it costs to get there and all the toxic emmissions it realeases into the ozone.

So to do our part, we're happy to bring you this seasonally appropriate online content. Again!

If you didn't catch the comic version of this blog a year ago (And the latest US Census tells us you probably didn't) then this is ALL NEW TO YOU! IF your one of the 1-1,000 people who made the counter go ding, we'd like to thank you, by bringing you back to a younger and happier, if not funnier place... but first a word from our sponsor.

That's Right, all you need is Resolv-o*!
Rumpatatious Micklesulfate tablets
contains: Placebo and Yellow Dye No. 5

Lose weight, diet, exercise, learn French, learn to French, be a better husband, beat a better husband, clean the house, clean the oven, clean the oxen, stop smoking, go metric, heal the shunted, get the band back together, do the hokey pokey, shock the monkey, climb every mountain, learn to draw comics the Marvel way, alphabetize your belts, call your mother, walk the hamster, solve that Rubik's cube, close cover before striking, stop crying in public restrooms, take air hockey lessons, swim the Erie Canal, yawn continuously, ignore the voices in your head, see a doctor about that "paucity", spend a week in Lompoc, fix that kazoo, mend international relations, shave your tongue, tattoo your eyelids, eliminate walnuts, house and clothe the dizzy, spackle, consolide your remotes, streak at the opera, stop taking unnecessary medications and so much more, or not.

pay no attention to the fine print.
*Warning: PLACEBO* may cause psoriasis, paralysis, perestroika, constipation, loose and/or wobbly stools, heartburn, upset stomach, sneezing, indigestion, vomiting, loss of feeling in your limbs, loss of appetite, loss of sleep, Los Angeles, bone loss, hip displacement, you may see spots, stripes, plaid or paisley, a ringing in your ears, a fear of socks, insatiable thirst, pickles and milk cravings. Placebo* is not recommended for people, children under the age of 36 or women who may plan on becoming pregnant, president or may take a nap. Placebo is not intended to cure or treat any disease. This statement is not endorsed by the FDA, USDA, NBA or the ASPCA. Contrary to published reports, PLACEBO* will not stop time, but may stop most known vital organs. Please consult a statistician before wagering. Use of this product may lead to heat-induced Charleston fits. Taking PLACEBO while under the influence of alcohol and/or other drugs certainly couldn't hurt. If sweating, gesticulation, near or farsightedness, or blasphemy should occur while taking PLACEBO*, it is recommended you double your dosage. Should additional side-effects occur, Side-effects listed in this disclaimer may not reflect actual side-effects caused by PLACEBO*. At this point, the text in this paragraph should be small enough that it's safe for us to state safely that PLACEBO* will indeed cure cancer, grow hair, increase libido, give you x-ray vision, fight tartar, and/or help you learn calculus. All rights to the name PLACEBO* (and a table for two, in the back) are hereby reserved in the name of J.P. Skruujob, Inc. in perpetuity and for a long time after that. If you're still reading this, apparently your eyes are not what's wrong with you. Special wint-o-green PLACEBO* doesn't really taste minty, but more like a cheese danish.

also available in sugar free