August Mail

Dear OC,
Summer is here, and the lack of anything worthwhile on TV is killing me. I'm going numb from watching all this drivel. The good shows aren't even showing re-runs.
Any advice?

Stuck on the couch in Milton

Stuckey,

First of all, you need to realize and accept that there is more to life than TV. A whole world awaits outside your living room for you to explore, filled with myriad sights, truths, and adventures. Throw off the shackles of A/V mind control and breathe a victorious lungful of fresh air! Become active in your community! No city or town can have enough vigilantes! Get up, get out, and get going! You could be dead tomorrow!

Either that or go to the video store.

OC

Dear OC,
How long can I wait until I Declare my Major? I'll be a freshman at PSU in the fall. I want to try a little of everything and still be out in four years.

Undecided in '05

Undi,

Off the record: Some advice from those who know: your major matters minorly, for it is the know-how that you emerge from college with that shall hold you in good stead on the road to ruin. In plainer and gooder English, if you can dig a good ditch, nobody on the road crew will care if you were a marine biology major.

On the record: You have until the fall to decide what you want to do for the rest of your life. Get with it. Research your eyeballs out and hit Pelt State University with your head held high, declaring your major to everyone you meet. While steadfastly persuing your fully declared major, attain variety in your studies by taking as many elective classes as you can fit into each day, and perhaps an independent study or two on the side. The hours may be long, and the costs may be crippling, but by following this method, you'll be assured a fully-rounded education and at least one cardiac arrest by the time you graduate.

OC

Dear OC,
What's the best way to remove wood varnish from a potato salad?

Norb in Wardsboro

Norbin,

Take a trip on down to The Homey Depot (chu' can do it, we can help), you'll find a number of options. The good folks in orange can point you toward the best option based on the type of potatos (e omitted for Dan Quale) and whether the salad has a mayo or vinegar base.

I'd suggest starting with a more environmentally friendly, and therefore less toxic, option - "Citrus Strip" (a safe but hard working Non Methylene Chloride Stripper) or "Peel Away" (for restoration or hard to strip surfaces - handles up to 30 layers of paint in one application) might fit the bill just nicely.

If these don't cut the mustard, try "Goof Off" and a stiff wire brush or rent a pressure washer if time is of the essence. If you have the time, and aren't keen on ingesting trace amounts of volatile carcinogens, let the varnish dry, and peel it like a sunburn.

OC